I imagine that even doctors would, if cornered, confess that the human body is still a mystery to them. The most complex living computers on earth, we are. And just like that pesky desktop computer that each of us has, our bodies sometimes behave in a frustrating manner that will drive a sane man mad. I know that mine is doing so at this moment, and I keep hearing insanity knocking on the door. Don't worry. I'm not answering my door... yet.
Next week I have five tests scheduled that I hope determine what's going on with my failing body. For those who don't know, over the past six months I have been gradually losing my grip in my hands — both of them. I've dropped countless things, from the mundane (a bowl of salsa) to the expensive (a digital camera). At first it was only an occasional drop, but the frequency grew over the months. I thought it was pure clumsiness at first. I tend to be that way by nature. But after Christmas it became epidemic. During these six months I also felt my strength leaving my arms. I could not lift the weights I used to lift. I found my arms growing tired after carrying something -- anything.
And when I started waking up in the mornings with both of my arms numb and burning, I knew I was in trouble. I shook my arms awake every morning but couldn't stop the tingling. Matters got worse three weeks ago when my legs started to give out on me like rock turned to rubble. Now I struggle just to climb the same flight of stairs I bounded up two steps at a time before Christmas. Two weeks ago my hands started shaking subtly when I reached to pick up or touch something. So I saw a doctor and then a neurologist. After a pint of drawn blood on Thursday, I have five tests ahead of me next week. I'd appreciate your prayers. On Monday morning I have nerve and muscle testing at my neurologist's office in Grapevine. On Wednesday afternoon I have four, gulp, four MRI exams in one sitting. I know the brain and spine will be examined. Not sure where else. I report back to my neurologist on March 3 for his evaluation of all this testing.
To be honest, I'm really not scared of this predicament. Annoyed, maybe, but not scared. Oh sure there's some concern because my body has gone downhill so quickly since Christmas, but right now my faith is securely in the hands of the Great Physician, the maker of my complex and mysterious body. He knows every blood cell my bones have created and every nerve that now bugs me. He saw me in my mother's womb and gave me life there. He did the same for you, too! And I know that I've never slipped out of His divine peripheral vision. There are no blind spots with God.
So I see this whole period of time as an opportunity instead to glorify God in my trial. What I'm going through is nothing compared to the suffering seen around the world right now — and not even in my own neighborhood. So I will largely keep silent about it. But my humble prayer is that God is glorified in all this through my words, my conduct, and my faith. Would you pray for me that this happens? It's what my heart wants. And I think it's what God wants, too.
Be God's!
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