Living in the In Between

Ever have one of those days when you feel like you're living in the "in between"? When you feel out of place, aimless, or just not quite right?

The "in between" is anytime in life when you feel like you're not at home yet not at whatever final destination you're heading. You're on a journey and the only grounding you feel is the very fact that you're traveling. It's a time that can go by really fast or really slow. Rarely does it pass normally.

I had one of those days today. I just felt out of place today, whether I was at work, in the car, or at home. Like something was out of sync. Strange.

I'm convinced that every person comes to at least one "in between" time in their life. Some people live their whole lives in the "in between." They're usually called "restless hearts."

For me, my entire adult life has been lived in the in between. I'm now 32, but for the first ten years of my post-college life I lived as a ranger, moving every 17 months and holding many jobs. I did some really cool things during that time but I got used to packing boxes and moving furniture, of setting up new places and meeting new faces.

I did not have a house or job to ground me in my life. No family of my own to hold me one place. My only grounding was my faith in God, my family and my church. Work didn't ground me, nor did society. Money certainly didn't ground me, for I had little wealth.

Now, at 32, I find myself at the proverbial crossroads of life. I'm not a youth anymore, living recklessly and freely because I didn't know any better. Sure, I guess I'm still young to most of you but my bones don't feel the same as they did at 22. And my mind... no comparison. Yet I'm not old and wise yet, either. I'm living in the "in between." And I'm wondering what I need to do to prepare myself for the years ahead. For where I want to be. For what I want to do.

I'm also learning to embrace the "in between" in my spiritual life, as well. As I've grown older I have increasingly realized that this world is not my home and that I don't feel comfortable here. Do you feel comfortable here? It's not a kind place. And by its nature the system of this world stands opposed to my faith in God. This makes me an outsider. A stranger. And I don't want t ever be so comfortable here that I forget that I'm not home yet.

I'm living in the "in between" of everything right now. It's a strange place to be. A strange stage of life. And I'm doing my best to keep my eyes on Jesus with this fallen body and mind to keep me grounded. It's not easy. But, then again, He never said it would be.

Be God's.