Dealing With Discouragement

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."  (John 14:2)

Here is a mystery in my ever-shrinking mind: Why do I get so easily disheartened? Why is discouragement and despair always so darn close to me?

Maybe it's the same for you. Why is it so easy to get discouraged?

You see, lately I've been preparing for an eight-day journey to New Mexico and Colorado, places with mountains, mesas, wilderness and, in the case of NM, volcanoes. My adventurous side is compelling me to leave cubicle and florescent lights behind to seek God where I believe He is most easily found — outside our busy zones. It's hard to hear God's voice in the midst of the concrete jungle and structured days. So I need to get away to refocus and retool.

So I planned a vacation — on the cheap — to be frugal with the finances God has blessed me with and step out of my comfort zones. I figure I need $200 total for eight days of driving, camping, and a few meals. Most of my food expense is camp food — you know, dried stuff and powdered stuff. Stuff that costs pennies compared to eating out. I have a circular route of 1,200 miles planned, with stops at seven campgrounds and a bunch of national monuments and parks. I head out alone (for such is the season of my life) with only my camera crew coming with me... well, not really a crew, but I do have a few video cameras and my still camera. I plan to document the entire excursion. I document everything. It annoys my family. But I'm convinced that one day it'll pay off.....

For some, a $200 vacation seems like no great expense, but for me it meant having to skip paying a bill or two. I can't save money every month like most people (I already live very frugally), so taking a vacation means skipping something financial. I hate to do that but such is the price of rest. Besides, I plan to make up those bills next month.

But discouragement came when I checked my bank numbers. What I saw killed my spirit. Always does. If I make it through the trip with no emergency expenses, I'll return with a zero balance (hopefully). If something comes up during my trip or some financial entity decides to withdraw money when I'm gone... I'm sunk. So discouragement has crept in. I'm now looking to cut even more corners. Pretty soon I think I'll have a circle!

Feelings of entrapment are choking me. It seems that I can't ever go anywhere, even if my heart and soul really need it. There is no escape from circumstance. Have you ever felt trapped by where you are? For a long period of time? Kills the spirit, doesn't it?

I searched the Bible this evening for help with my discouragement problem. Maybe scripture has something to say. Usually it does. This time it didn't help much. At least not that I could see. I just got back the same old answer: trust in God even if you don't understand why.

Even though discouragement was a major problem plaguing biblical figures, most times it was tied directly to the execution of a God-given mission. It wasn't just simple circumstance. Usually God gave a specific command (like Joshua's charge to take over the Promised Land) and then opposition to that command arose to cause discouragement. But what if your discouragement doesn't come from opposition to a divine command? What if it is just plain circumstance? Is there such a thing as "just plain circumstance"? I don't know.

At the top of this blog entry I quoted our Lord Jesus talking to his disciples, one of whom, he just announced, would deny him. They didn't understand what was happening to them, so Jesus basically said, "Trust me." I've followed God through this valley and I have no other plans for the future. Even though I don't understand why I'm going through such a tough financial time, I know that God has been faithful to me during this time. He must have been, for I'm still here, you know, with a roof over my head and food in my belly! If he had forsaken me, I'd be lost out in the middle of the barren desert with no hope. But I have hope. As long as I live. Why? Here's God's promise:

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Heb 13:4-6)

Man can take my car, he can take my house, he can take my iPhone (if I had one)... but he cannot take away the love of God for me, even in the midst of my poverty. Even when we feel unloved we still are loved. There must be some assurance in that, right?

Be God's.

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A Whatdo?

Yoohoo! Have you seen a hoodo? A whatdo? A hoodo! One of these:

Well, this one's kinda small but I've seen them grow much bigger. Or is that shrink much bigger? Hmmm...
What's a hoodo? A whatdo? A hoodo. Oh, right, a hoodo. Well, according to the dictionary, a hoodo is a "column or pinnacle of weathered rock." I'm sure the definition gets more technical than that if you ask a scientist, so I'm not gonna. I just think they're really, really cool. And weird.

Where can I find a hoodo? Well, there aren't any in my neighborhood. Or is that neighborhoodo? Sorry. Couldn't resist. I found out that a bunch of them are located in a small, off-the-beaten-path place called The Bisti Badlands Wilderness in northwestern New Mexico.

The what? The Bisti Badlands. Never heard of it. Neither had I until I ran across a New Mexico photographer's website the other day. Here's one of the other pictures I found (didn't want to post his w/o permission).

Isn't that weird or what? Those towers of rock behind the smooth circular thing are hoodos. The whole wilderness area is basically one big erosion zone, where water, wind and sun are gradually shaping the soft rock, forming quirky, unique formations. Here are a few others, called, "The Cracked Eggs."

Apparently, you can walk right up to these formations and snap as many pictures as desired. No security guards to stop you, no paths to stick to, just a great big hoodo of a good time!

Needless to say, I've added the Bisti Badlands Wilderness to my list of places to visit next week during my Rio Grande adventure. I'll let you know whether or not it was worth it. I'm thinking this may be one of the coolest places on my journey. Here's a parting picture. Click to enlarge.


— John

The Craziness of Adventure

From the Associated Press news wire today comes a story that strikes a note in my restless heart. Perhaps it is envy that draws me to this story, for I have oft considered doing something so adventurous. Read below...

Adventurer leaves NY career to walk across US

By MARTHA IRVINE, AP National Writer  

AVALON, Wis. – In these uncertain times, most of us cling to the things that make us feel secure. Those who have jobs give thanks. We hug our children a little tighter. We wait — and hope — for better times.

So when someone like Matt Green comes along, we shake our heads a little and wonder. Who is this young man, bearded and weather-worn, pushing a cart down a country road, mile after mile? And why would he abandon a solid career as a civil engineer — a roadway designer, ironically — to walk all the way across America?

"Good question," he concedes to those who frequently ask about his motives.

Unlike others who've made cross-country treks, Green is not looking to break a record of any kind. Nor does he want to draw attention to a particular cause. He has no agenda, other than the handwritten list of directions he regularly compiles from Google Maps, in the event his cell phone can't access them from remote areas.

No, for Green, there's just something about the act of walking that makes him really happy, much more content than he ever would have been in his office cubicle in Manhattan, where he used to daydream about doing something epic like this.

On the road, there's a simple purpose to each day, he says. There is camaraderie with the people he meets along the way. There is excitement in discovering what's around the next bend.

"Playing it safe isn't really that safe," he has concluded. "If you do that, you miss out on a lot of the great things life has to offer."

For him, making this journey is freedom.

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Read that last line again: "For him, making this journey is freedom." This is the spirit of adventure, I believe: freedom. Why do people leave the comforts of home, financial security, and other "givens"? For the sake of freedom — actual and imagined. Of course, I see spiritual overtones in all this, though I have no idea whether or not Matt Green is a man of faith. 

Truth is, our hearts and our souls were not made to find security and freedom in this world. We were not intended to settle here forever. To get comfortable and satisfied. No, we were intended to long for someplace higher, someplace greater, someplace better than the world we see around us. Look at Abraham. He had everything he needed in Ur. He was wealthy. He had family. He had a home. But he left it behind because God told him there was something better than the status quo waiting for him in Caanan. And so he left, "for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God (Heb 11:10)." A heavenly city. A better place to dwell. He and his wife, Sarah, saw the promises of God for a better life and they lived by faith, having confessed that "they were strangers and exiles on the earth." And that, my friends, is the key to having a biblical worldview. You must confess that this world is not your final home and live your life accordingly. Once you do that, you will not only find adventure but also freedom from worry, fear and anxiety. 

"Playing it safe isn't really that safe," Matt Green concluded. "If you do that, you miss out on a lot of the great things life has to offer."

In less than 10 days, I'm headed off on an adventure of my own. Though I'm not quitting my job like Matt did (of course, he was an engineer and that's two pay grades or more above me), I am heading off across the southwest to find adventure and freedom. I'm not much on walking but I plan to drive across Texas, New Mexico and Colorado by myself in hopes that many wonderful adventures await me along the journey. People to meet, places to see, freedom to be felt. What makes me happy is having the freedom to experience life as it comes to me. The journey is where I find peace. The status quo drives me crazy.

So I can't wait for my next crazy adventure.

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The Skinny on Fasting... Skit Guys Style

Sorry I've been AWOL on Growing Young the past week, but I'm afraid fatigue, apathy and planning my upcoming summer adventure have been the stressors of my life lately. Adding some levity to it all have been the Skit Guys, Eddie James and Tommy Woodard, who have released several new, hilarious videos. Their latest, "The Skinny on Fasting" addresses misconceptions and exaggerations of the spiritual discipline. Watch at your funny bone's own risk!



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Burying the Past to Live in the Present

"How did all this happen?" Eugene Sledge said to his best friend Sidney Phillips outside of a dance in Mobile, Alabama in 1946. Sledge had just returned from the War in the Pacific and was suffering the shellshock and regret a lot of veterans battled.

"I mean, look at us, Sid," he resumed. "Sittin here at a dance, drinking punch, not a scratch on either of us. I mean, what the h*** are we doing here? And why? Why did I end up back here when all of those other fellows didn't?"

Sidney, who had returned from the Pacific two years earlier, knew what his friend was talking about.

"I thought that," he said. "Every guy back has thought that. But you've just got to pull yourself out of bed every morning and get on with your day. If we do that enough times in a row, we forget some things. For a while, anyway."

With that, Sidney was called back to the dance and Sledge was left to continue pondering how he was going to resume life after the War. He had changed. No longer was he the innocent teenager who longed to rush off with his friends to fight in the War. No longer was he the same Southern boy who lived in a large home with a wealthy doctor dad and had every need met. His world was turned upside down by the War — by the violence, the vulgarity, and the fear. Getting shot at and seeing men gunned down before his eyes. Experiencing death, fear, hatred, mud, blood... war.

His best friend's solution? Bury it deep, Gene. Get into a daily routine and let it consume you. And Sledge and thousands of veterans did just that. They became routine oriented in order to deal with their horrific memories. Many did not talk about the war for years — decades. They just couldn't process something so ... beyond words.

This was my experience with one of my grandfathers. My dad's dad served in the Atlantic on a bomber plane and wore his service in the military as a badge of honor. He buried many memories deep inside but was always willing to talk about the War. My mom's dad, however, was not so open about his Pacific War experiences. Growing up, the only times I remember him talking about the Pacific were at the few war reunions his division held. I had the privilege of accompanying he and my grandmother to two of them back before I went away to college.

My grandfather didn't fight on Guadalcanal or Pelieu. He didn't crawl on the black sands of Iwo Jima. Those were the headline battles. Instead, he served on several smaller islands and was to be part of the force assembled on Okinawa tasked with invading Japan. That was until the bombs were dropped. I'm not sure how accurate I am with all this info. You see, he rarely talked about the War. I think my grandmother said more about the War than he ever did.

Until one magical night about five years ago. My grandmother brought out several picture albums she had assembled of wartime pictures and set them on the table. We started talking about the war with her, asking about the pictures. My grandfather, ever in his den recliner, got up, walked over to the table, and started looking at the pictures with us. My grandmother asked him questions about people, places and events and he just suddenly opened up. Thirty minutes or more passed as we absorbed and marveled over his memories of serving in the Pacific. It was one of those moments that stay with you the rest of your life. I wish I had a recorder of ANY kind available but, of course, I didn't. I wasn't prepared for this. Who knew?

He didn't open up again about the war when I was around and passed away last November. Now all I'm left with is the memory of a moment.

My dad's dad wrote a memoir of his time over Europe and gave it to his four children (and me). I cherish it very dearly. He couldn't (wouldn't) talk about some things too horrific to recall but at least left us some record of his service. He passed in 2006.

Both men were very routine-oriented. My mom's dad rose at 5am and went to bed at 8pm. When he returned from the Pacific he enrolled in college, got married, and set off on a long distinguished career as a CPA. Life went on. But the war was buried deep. Just like it was for Sledge, Sid Phillips and other vets of the Pacific. They had to move on somehow. So they filled their days with busyness, routine and ambition in hops of forgetting their war trauma.
Some succeeded. Others did not.

I'm so glad my grandfathers won that battle.

P.S. — In case you really couldn't tell, tonight I finished watching the final part of HBO's "The Pacific." (Thanks, Verizon, for the service!) I have been in tears during many moments of this miniseries and stunned at other points. It was caused me to think about the many forces that shaped that generation of men, the biggest of which was World War II. How they were able to regroup at all after returning home is a marvel to me. And makes me appreciate my grandfathers even more.

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A House Divided...

This just came over the wire from CNN: "Episcopal Church Ordaining First Openly Lesbian Bishop." The article read as follows:

Los Angeles, California (CNN) -- Despite objections from conservative Anglicans, the Episcopal Church will ordain its first openly lesbian bishop Saturday.

The Rev. Mary Glasspool, 56, becomes bishop surrounded by controversy.

Conservative factions in the Anglican Communion, a 77-million member denomination worldwide, have opposed the ordination of gay bishops.

Glasspool is the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church since Gene Robinson took office in New Hampshire in 2004. Episcopalians instituted a temporary ban on gay bishops after Robinson's ordination but revoked that ban last summer.

The daughter of a priest, Glasspool was one of two openly gay candidates on the slate in the Los Angeles diocese. She has said that her sexual orientation is "not an issue."

Bishop Jon Bruno of Los Angeles said Glasspool was a "highly qualified and experienced" cleric.

"She's not afraid of conflict and is a reconciler," Bruno said, according to the Episcopal Church website.

He added that Glasspool and her partner of 19 years, Becki Sander, are an example of living service and ministry.

But her election drew opposition from Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, who said Glasspool's ordination would deepen rifts in the church.

It "raises very serious questions not just for the Episcopal Church and its place in the Anglican Communion, but for the Communion as a whole," said Rowan, according to the church's website.

READ THE REST >>

You know the Anglican Communion is in trouble when its leader — the Archbishop of Canterbury — opposes a lower-church decision and nothing changes. He warned that the ordination of an openly lesbian priest would further divide the Church. The Los Angeles diocese did it anyway.

So much for church unity!

Let me make one thing clear before I continue: the division in the Anglican Communion between the Episcopal Church and the more conservative Anglican Church has been growing for decades, so what is happening right now is nothing new. The church has slowly been unraveling as society pressures it to conform to modern morality and rid itself of its traditional values.

In fact, the Episcopal churches have become so tolerant of sin and ignorant of biblical truth that they are quickly becoming irrelevant as institutions of moral authority. No one looks at the Episcopal Church anymore and says, "Now there's a true defender of the traditional Christian faith." They just don't. Because they can't.

I'm shocked but not surprised at what a fellow L.A. bishop said about Glasspool, that she was a "highly qualified and experienced" cleric. Glasspool herself said her sexual orientation is "not an issue." I guess her personal morality has nothing to do with her ability to lead and shepherd a people. Hmmm.... It's very sad when a resume is valued greater than the character of a person.

This may be condemning, though I hope it's not, but I find myself rooting for a church split in the Anglican Communion. I want the conservative churches to cut ties with the churches who condone sin. Those who disobey God have been warned many times — even by their archbishop — and yet they continue in their transgressions. Our Lord and His apostle Paul recommended this. Confront them in love, then if they refuse to repent, cast them out of the fellowship until they turn from their immorality and come back, Jesus said in Matthew 18:15-17 and Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 5.

A house divided may be saved in the Anglican Community. I know big shockwaves were caused by the decision of Christ Church in Plano to split from the Episcopal Church USA communion back in 2006 and temporarily join a conservative communion in Peru. The largest Episcopal Church in the U.S., Christ Church could no longer stand by while its denomination rejected God's truth and blended into the immoral world. Now it exists as a thriving evangelical church under the oversight of an Anglican bishop in Africa. Yes, an evangelical Anglican church. If I lived closer, I'd consider going there to check it out.

You see, sometimes church splits are ugly and unnecessary. But sometimes it is the right thing to do, especially when it comes to dividing truth from error. I'm not talking theological interpretation here but error involving sin. When a church splits, usually a lot of people get hurt and most times any God-given mission gets lost in the midst of bad feelings. I served at a church once that had gone through a church split and know first-hand how it can hinder ministry.

I pray for the Anglican-Episcopal Church. Pray that truth may conquer error. That the priesthood may be sanctified and not further soiled. And that the conservative parts of the Church may know how to godly and graciously part ways with their errant brethren. A house divided may stand firmer than one united in this case. At least for one half. It's clear that the other half is gonna fall.

— John

Got an iProblem?

Do you fight insomnia like me? Once I fall asleep, I can sleep for days but getting to sleep has always been a problem for me. I've tried all the over-the-counter remedies: Benadryl, melatonin, some chemical I can't pronounce, and so on. Tried warm milk and hot pads for my neck. Turned off lights, turned off the tele. Even gave up caffeine in the evenings. Yet I still struggle to get to sleep. Seems you can't turn off the brain. Know what I mean?

Well, you and I just might have an iProblem. Seriously. Some researchers are drawing a link between insomnia and iPads, laptops, and other electronic devices that emit light. Read the CNN story below:

(CNN) -- J.D. Moyer decided recently to conduct a little experiment with artificial light and his sleep cycle.

The sleep-deprived Oakland, California, resident had read that strong light -- whether it's beaming down from the sun or up from the screens of personal electronics -- can reset a person's internal sleep clock.

So, for one month, whenever the sun set, he turned off all the gadgets and lights in his house -- from the bulb hidden in his refrigerator to his laptop computer.
It worked. Instead of falling asleep at midnight, Moyer's head was hitting the pillow as early as 9 p.m. He felt so well-rested during the test, he said, that friends remarked on his unexpected morning perkiness.

"I had the experience, a number of times, just feeling kind of unreasonably happy for no reason. And it was the sleep," he said. "Sure, you can get by with six or seven hours, but sleeping eight or nine hours -- it's a different state of mind."
Moyer may be onto something.

More than ever, consumer electronics -- particularly laptops, smartphones and Apple's new iPad -- are shining bright light into our eyes until just moments before we doze off.

Now there's growing concern that these glowing gadgets may actually fool our brains into thinking it's daytime. Exposure can disturb sleep patterns and exacerbate insomnia, some sleep researchers said in interviews.

"Potentially, yes, if you're using [the iPad or a laptop] close to bedtime ... that light can be sufficiently stimulating to the brain to make it more awake and delay your ability to sleep," said Phyllis Zee, a neuroscience professor at Northwestern University and director of the school's Center for Sleep & Circadian Biology.

"And I think more importantly, it could also be sufficient to affect your circadian rhythm. This is the clock in your brain that determines when you sleep and when you wake up."

READ MORE >>

Sometimes I wonder how much our electronic lives are hindering our experiential lives, that being the way we experience life. As far as time cycles go, my grandparents slept 9 to 5 and worked 6 to 4. My parents sleep 10 to 7 and work 8 to 5. I try to sleep 12 to 8 and work 9 to 6 (or 7 or 8 or 9).

I credit the electronic age to my different sleep and work cycles. For example, I have always stayed up later because of television, computers, and the availability of electric lights. I usually don't go home at 4 or 5 because I can work later thanks to computers and lights. It doesn't matter when the sun goes down. A recent as 70 years ago people rose and dozed based on the sun's timing. They were asleep by 9 and up with the sun.

So is your iPod, iPad, or laptop keeping you up at night? I don't enjoy turning on my home computer in the evenings because I work on one all day, but I eventually do. And I'll spend about an hour on it after I get home. But only an hour. I'm considering following J.D. Moyer's lead and turning off my electronic distractions for a while to see if that helps me sleep. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. We'll see.

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What a Video Geek Does With His Spare Time

He makes videos! I had some unexpected off time this afternoon, so I fired up my video editing software, imported some free stock video of timelapses, and edited a 33-second video. Here it is. It's not much but I liked it.



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A Splash of Mother's Day Poetry

Proverbs 31 is the penultimate passage on the virtues of a godly woman. A woman of virtue is trustworthy, hard working, tender and firm, a provider and of noble reputation to her community. What a remarkable life! Reminds me a lot of Ruth. She was hard-working, trustworthy, a provider for Naomi, and had a great reputation.

About five years ago, on the eve of a Mother's Day, I did a personal study of the Proverbs 31 passage and, being the poet wannabe, I put together a bit of poetry to reflect the woman I found in that passage. I've been sitting on it since then. So I thought I'd share.

A Song for Mothers

Blessed is the woman who’s heart will fear the Lord

Wisdom is her garment, peace comes forth from her word

Her children are her pride, in her heart forever adored

She works hard for no money, is prudent with her time

She gives up her own needs to see that her family is fine

She wears a garland of grace, her beauty is ever sublime

Blessed is the woman who raises her children in faith

Blessed is the woman who raises her children in faith

And by faith her children shall stand

The strength of the strong man, the wisdom of sages are hers

Blessed is the woman whose children are quick to bless her

She blesses her children with grace, what they don’t deserve

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Endurance, Peace and a Whole Lotta Sand

Hiking may be one of the most spiritual things a person can do. It can be, if you have your eyes open, because lessons about faith and life are everywhere! For weeks now I have been wanting to get out of the house and go on a hike. So this afternoon I tested a new trail, Rocky Point Trail, here on the north shore of Grapevine Lake, not certain of what I'd find but resting confident in the review of a hiking website. "Easy trail with a pretty descent to a sandy beach," the website said. Or something different that I used my powers of interpretation on. The site also said, "may be sandy in places."

Harrumph, I said. I can take sand, I said. The whole shoreline ain't nothing but rock, I said. Harrumph.

Feeling confident in my powers of trail review interpretation, I packed a daypack with a blanket to sit on when I reached the trail's end, my camera should the right moment strike, matches because every survival show says you need matches or flint, and my spirit of adventure. The hike took a few hours this afternoon.

Harrumph, I said when I reached the trail head. Looked like a narrow lane slicing deep into the woods. Nothing special.
Harr, I said as I hit the first of many patches of weeds and thorns leaning over the trail. If not for my jeans, it would've been much tougher to bear the undergrowth. I used my camera tripod as a walking stick to knock some confidently out of my way.
Umph, I said, as I stared down the rocky drop-off in front of me. Thirty feet to the creek bed below. Two paths led down the decline. Both were rough.

At the bottom I relaxed a little. A beautiful meandering creek followed the trail towards the lake. It was postcard purdy but the last "umph" had me feeling like I wanted to just get to the beach and sit down. I work at a desk under florescent lights. Umphs hurt.

So does treading sand. "May be sandy in places?" The entire trail was nothing but deep sand FOR TWO MILES. The entire trail was but 3 1/2 miles. You do the math. There was sand going up hills and sand coming down. Sand in the valleys, sand on the plains. Sand under the vegetation, and sand in the air. Okay, maybe not the air, but I wouldn't have been surprised...

An hour later and ten pounds of sand in my boots, I reached the shore. It was... okay. Grapevine Lake isn't known for its picturesque sandy beaches and this one was actually better than most. I reclined in the sand, took a picture (above) and then prepared for the long haul back. I didn't want to go back. Not because of the beauty of the place. But I was worn out from walking in all that sand! And I had to go back through it? With rubber legs? Harr... umph.... ouch.

My hike taught me lessons in endurance, direction, hope, worry, anticipation, temptation, decision, negligence, accomplishment, adventure, danger, and peace. Yes, peace. In the midst of trial. I brought along my iPod to listen to music but ended up leaving it off. The sound of the birds, wind, water and bugs was very relaxing. It was peaceful. Would have been better without the airplane noise, chainsaws, blowers, and other assorted neighborhood sounds. But for Flower Mound, Texas, it wasn't bad. Kinda spiritual.

I haven't been able to move for hours.

Harrumph.

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Is Loneliness a Disease?

Is loneliness a disease? According to author Emily White, in her memoir "Lonely," loneliness needs to be treated the same as depression — with clinical study and, perhaps one day, pharmaceutical cure. Writer Daphne Merkin in Elle Magazine (umm... which I found through CNN.com...) describes White's theories by writing,

"Suffering from chronic loneliness as she does, White wants this "stigmatized" experience to be not only officially recognized by the world at large, but to be honored as an affliction worthy of extensive research and, God help us, given its very own category in the next DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), the fifth version of which is due out in 2013.
"This is presumably so that therapists and psychiatrists can look it up as a psychological problem in its own right in what has become an ever-proliferating doorstop of a manual (the fourth version features "caffeine-induced anxiety disorder" and "nicotine dependence"), and deal with its symptoms instead of brushing them aside as part of the human condition or confusing them with the symptoms of depression.
Indeed, throughout her memoir, White, a lawyer, is at pains to distinguish chronic loneliness from depression."

So, is loneliness a disease or disorder like depression? Thankfully for all that's reasonable and sane, Merkin resoundingly disagrees in her commentary, found here.

"And what I'm asking is: Why? What does it accomplish to tease out the one from the other, even if there is a genetic basis for both, and accord them equal pathological weight? What does it clarify? There is no pill for loneliness thus far that I know of, just as there is no pill for boredom; both seem to me to be part of the normal emotional climate of humanness rather than deviations from it."

Bingo. There is no pill for loneliness that doesn't end a life. To be lonely is to be human. We all suffer loneliness at some time or another — many times even when other people are near. That's why celebrities are some of the loneliest people. Loneliness is cured by intimate relationships — relationships that break past the ice and touch the warm heart of a person. When you have intimate relationships, you will be less likely to feel alone. It doesn't take a marriage partner to end loneliness. Most counselors will tell you that married people can be just as lonely as singles if their relationship with their partner is no deeper than the surface. When a couple starts "going through the motions" each partner becomes more isolated until they are estranged. Intimate relationships can be with a friend, family member or romantic partner.

Some people choose lives of loneliness. They aren't necessarily suffering from some disease (like social anxiety disorder). They could just be victims of circumstance.

Interesting article by Merkin, if a little boring.

— John

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Scattershooting on a Saturday

On a lazy Saturday that is! I just wanted to share a few random thoughts from the week that was.

• I made my weekly trip to Wal-Mart on Monday evening to shop for myself while observing human society at the same time. Wal-Marts are great places to observe societal behavior. For someone who thinks theologically and philosophically like myself, it's kinda the proverbial candystore of sociology. In no other place do you find the same diversity of races, religions, ages, and behaviors. Just be sure not to stare! After all, I was there to shop first.
• Lately, I've been noticing a disturbing trend in the people I see. Many of them wear a sour or sad look on their faces and their body language seems to back up that expression. People just don't look happy. Couples come in, grab their cart, and then scowl as they walk silently towards their desired isle. Maybe they're perfectly happy inside and just happen to look dour on the outside. I don't know. But people do seem less joyous now compared to years past.

• I've found that church ministry, in any form, is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Because of the dual nature of the local church, we are both a physical organization that need structure, budgets, salaries, and the like, but we are also a spiritual organization responsible for carrying out our part of the will of God on earth. This involves the shepherding of people's hearts, minds and, according to Hebrews 13:17, their souls. I've always taken this responsibility very seriously, no matter what my official position may be. I may not be paid to be a pastor anymore but my calling remains no matter where I work. If I see someone in need of something I believe I can provide, then I won't wait for a paid pastor to show up. I'll act. I hope you're bold enough to do the same. It's not easy fulfilling both the organizational and the spiritual functions of the local church. Many times there are sharp disagreements on the organizational part but agreement in the mission. Other times the organization is fine but there is contrast in the theological/spiritual realm. If both happen at the same time... when that happens it makes life difficult on all involved in church ministry.
• Do you know what your spiritual gifts are? What are you passionate about? Discovering one's spiritual gifts feels tough at first and can often take a long time. I've been in the church all my life and I'm still discovering mine. I've tested the waters of most areas of church ministry, from childcare to children's ministry, Sunday school, small groups, worship, preaching, men's ministry, outreach, missions, etc. Some things I was gifted for. Others I clearly wasn't! So I've gradually weeded out some areas from my list of potential uses for my spiritual gifts and, in the process, have discovered a few of my gifts. I suggest you try a few new areas of ministry and service (don't commit long-term to them) and see what happens. Like me, in the process you may discover a few of your gifts. And I think you'll be really excited when you do.

Be God's!

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Radioactive Church Attendance

Every now and then I read something that gives me pause. Very rarely do I read something that gives me pause after I had a discourse with a friend about the same topic that had left me on pause. And as you know, if you hit pause twice you get "play" so I decided to blog about it. Here is the article I found by a pastor up in Denver. Dave Terpstra leads a young Gen-X and Gen-Y fellowship and has noticed some things about the modern nature of churchgoing. As he states at the end of this 2006 blog post, he doesn't have stats to back up his points. He just has observations. And he's open to hearing other observations. Read below...

Radioactive Church Attendance: predicting your congregation’s half-life | Out of Ur | Conversations for Ministry Leaders

As a young man in ministry (albeit non-clergy right now), I totally see his points. People do go through churchgoing half-lives, especially in their younger years. Let's take college students. I've discovered second-hand that it's really difficult to get a college ministry off the ground and grow it. I know at my church I have seen some really good people invest in ministry to college-aged students but grow frustrated at the task. Most eventually quit or got too busy to continue. Sadly, I've seen college students become "disengaged" from the church body. Is it the church's fault? Could be. I just know that many who graduate from the high school group never come back to church. This year we have 18 or so graduates in our church. I pray they all get involved in a church during their college years but I know the odds are stacked against that. Many college students leave the churches they grew up in and getting them back in church — any church — is not easy. I know. I was one of them. During four years of college I went to four churches for a total of nine times combined. That's once a semester plus a summer. If not for a "come-to-Jesus" period during my junior year, I may not have gotten back involved in church after I graduated.

It's funny how things tend to come back around in ways you least expect. I now lead the young singles ministry at my church and have struggled for almost two years just to get young adults engaged in the group and in our church. Not even personal invites have worked. In-person invites. Some young adults are very apathetic towards church, especially the church they grew up in. They don't yet see relevance between the Bible and real life. Those who do get it many times feel that the church has overlooked the young unmarried demographic in favor of people with kids at home. While I support the family, as a single man I have just as much value in the kingdom as a married man with kids. And I want to be wanted by my church, too. If a church has given up on young adults altogether, it is not healthy but dying. You cannot ignore a major wound and expect to have good health.

Dave Terpstra makes several good points, especially:

1. "Don't just go after the "easy" target of young families. Students and singles need the church too. Especially considering how unstable their lives are, perhaps they need us even more than young families. Deal with the instability and reach young people for the Kingdom!" One of the reasons young adults are not in church is that we feel the church isn't interested in us. We have "family-this" and "family-that" but a whole segment of the Body of Christ is being left out by default. So we either wander into this world for answers or keep our faith private, personal, and within the confines of our moral conscience.

3. "Pay attention to an increased adult population nearing a transition point. If a couple of families every year become empty-nesters that may not be a significant change. If 1/2 of all your families go through that transition in three years time, you may see a major drop in attendance or participation." Sometimes empty-nesters are just as overlooked as young adults. I had a talk with an empty-nester a few weeks back about this very subject and she told me that the "family-this" and "family-that" focus of the church made her and her husband feel left out, too. They don't have kids at home anymore. They are members of a small group and come to a Sunday service but their family is now just two, so kids activities probably don't interest them. I believe a church needs to help parents make the transition from "child-at-home" to "child-on-their-own." It's a hard time for parents, especially mothers. Just ask any empty-nester.

Finally,

5. "Pay attention to staff members going through transition points as well. It should not be a surprise when a staff member leaves after getting married, having kids, or becoming an empty nester. Life transitions lead to job transitions as well." This one strikes very close to home for me. I'm a staff member going through a very tough transition right now. I'm moving from young single to middle aged single, from job-focused to career-focused, from oriented to disoriented and I'm pretty sure I'm nearing a major life transition. How can a church help a person like me? Will the church even notice? These are the things on the back of my brain as I go in to work every day. All but one of our pastors is an empty-nester. Only one director has a young child at home. So the majority of our major leadership has been through a major transition. If the staff has been through major transitions, the body surely has, too.

Every church is faced with its own demise at one point in its life or another. What I mean is this: a church has to engage generations at some point in order to keep a cycle of life going. A church that loses a generation is in BIG trouble because it is much harder to recapture a generation lost than keep it from going away.

Be God's.

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